Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of--throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.- CS Lewis

God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.- CS Lewis

I am feeling some "repairs" and "upgrades" that I don't necessarily want but I know I need. For reasons I won't go into because no one really wants to know the details, I have been super down. I don't know if my surgery has anything to do with it but sometimes I take the "mourn with those that mourn" too seriously and I want to fix things so badly. I am a fixer. Its those times when I want to fix things most that I realize I can't fix it, only Heavenly Father can. It is a lesson I have to re-learn over and over and over...And when I finally accept the fact that I am not in control but He is, that is when I feel the peace I have been craving. It is my Pride that keeps me from feeling it. Does anyone else get this way? This is one of my weaknesses. I KNOW who is in charge, I know He can do all things and that I just need to have faith in Him, but why do I find myself struggling with that concept more often than not?
I just need to "let go, and let God"